I cried yesterday and I cried again today! What, you say, a life coach who has cried 2 days in a row? Yes indeedy I bawled yesterday big style. Today’s effort was a little less but no less of a feeling behind those tears. Yesterday I was alone mostly, in the car, for about 15 minutes. Tears streaming down my face, dripping off the end of my chin. Today’s was in a networking meeting and the emotion was not really how I imagined that business networking meeting to unfold but the tears came anyway. What the hell? Let me explain.
They are tears of pure joy. Of unadulterated, magnificent, pure joy! And I couldn’t hold them back even if I tried (and I don’t want to). You see yesterday I was discharged from hospital after 5 years of visiting their Gynae/Oncology Dept and I was given the all clear. Five years ago during my hysterectomy, which in itself was horrific, they unexpectedly found a stage 1 ovarian tumor and I’ve been under their care for 5 years. But I count myself to be extremely lucky!
Firstly, if I had not gone ahead with my hysterectomy they would never have found it. I took the right decision to have my ‘bit’s removed at a very early age which in itself would bring on early menopause etc because I knew deep down inside it was the right choice for me. I am so glad I listened to myself. I also had a chance encounter with a reflexologist on a mountain in Peru which also helped inform my decision but that’s a conversation for another time!! But needless to say, the tumor was found so early I needed no further treatment. I was very, very lucky.
Secondly, and most importantly, being diagnosed gave the kick up the arse that I needed to finally get my life in order! I felt like I had been given the opportunity to see things differently and never settle for 2nd best. My last blog in June (Are You Brave Enough) explains how I used this situation to go on and change what I wanted to change and never ‘settle’ for anything. It explains how we are all given choice points in our life and we can either use them to really change our direction or not. The bottom line is we have a choice!
Now, I’ve worked on myself a hell of a lot since 2010. I’ve had a few different life coaches, I’ve read books, I’ve trained in NLP & Hypnotherapy, I’ve ‘let go’ of so much crap I was holding onto and thought I’d discussed the events of the last 5 years enough to be reconciled with what happened to me. But what I discovered yesterday is there was a little part of me that was still holding it’s breath. A small but steadfast little bit of me holding on tightly to the belief that the cancer might come back. It didn’t speak loudly, it didn’t even rear it’s head or speak up, it didn’t make it’s presence known at a conscious level. What I did know was that going for my checkups was like a constant reminder of a time I’d rather forget. However, it wasn’t until I got my brilliant news yesterday that I didn’t have to go back that that little part of me finally ‘let go’! and the floodgates opened LOL!!
I don’t want to santise myself from life and not be able to feel my emotions so I am perfectly ok about crying. Releasing these emotions is so healthy and I can see that previously I would have held onto those liquid droplets for as long as I could. It’s so much better for you to let that shit out and move on, seriously! We are conditioned to hold our emotions in and be scared of them but yesterday I bloody loved driving home and just letting those tears run down my face. Well meaning people might say “oh don’t cry, it’s ok” but boy did I want those tears out!! I loved that I was ok with showing my emotions, not giving a hoot what others think is such an empowering thing. You should try it!
Today, at my business networking meeting, the tears unexpectedly arose because someone close to me gave me a huge hug and congratulated me on my news and, again, I couldn’t hold them back. Whilst being in a business environment might not be seen as the best place to let those tears flow they are part of me and I am not going to stop being me to make others feel less uncomfortable. It may have made some of those present squirm in their seats a little but that says more about them than me. Others looked me right in the eye and I could feel their support and love as they celebrated my great news. The bottom line is I’m ok with being vulnerable and showing all parts of me. It’s what makes me ME!
I’m sharing this story so you know you can live a full life even when there is a part of you holding it’s breath. Don’t wait for the right time. Don’t wait for the beginning of the month. Don’t wait until you have enough money. Don’t wait PERIOD!
Begin where you are with what you have. I have created an amazing coaching business where I help women connect with themselves and really understand what they want out of life. There is no magic wand (sorry!). You have to take action if you want your life to be different. I personally know what it’s like to be faced with significant life events – since 2010 not only have I had cancer but I’ve also been made redundant, got divorced, moved house and started my own business! I’m no special super woman but I’m bloody determined and my passion is to show you how to be happy amidst all of what life can throw at you. How can you be certain of happiness in such an uncertain world? I can show you how.
- Learn to love yourself more every day, become your best friend.
- Reconnect with the things that inspire you, light you up and give you joy and do some of that every day.
- Be grateful for what you already have, you can’t manifest abundance in your life with a lack mentality.
- Stuck in a job you hate? Start doing the bits within it you do like really well & you’ll be surprised what new avenues open up for you.
- Stuck in a toxic relationship? Start to work on your own self esteem and create powerful boundaries that show others how you expect to be loved.
There is a solution to any problem you have but sometimes you need help seeing it. I know I did! I’ve had a lot of outside help over the past 5 years and would certainly not be the strong, independent, confident business owner I am today without it. I now have a few soulful sisters I know I can rely on who have my back and don’t question me. I have free reign to create any kind of life I want without the need for anyones permission! Stop being hard on yourself and start looking for the help you need to create the life you actually do want to live, not the one you feel you should live. There is a huge difference.
So wherever you are in your story, whatever life has brought into your path you can change, let those tears flow (if you need to!), decide you want your life to be different, start from where you are now, even though there may be a little bit of you holding it’s breath!
If anything in this blog has struck a cord with you, remember, I offer free 30 minute laser coaching sessions that can help you make immediate changes in your life to relieve stress, give you more time and start to map out a new way for you now. Click on this link to choose a slot in my diary now.